Today, I borrowed a novel about Sherlock Holmes from the library and detective novels are always my favorite. I turned a few pages to where characters are introduced. On one of the name, apparently someone circled and wrote "He is the murderer" right next to it. FML
I HATE when people give away the endings to things…books, TV shows, movies…one of my biggest pet peeves.
“I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you’re always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you’re not around, and the fact that you didn’t call. But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.”—Kat Stratford, 10 Things I Hate About You
“Give me a kiss, and to that kiss a score;
Then to that twenty, add a hundred more:
A thousand to that hundred: so kiss on,
To make that thousand up a million.
Treble that million, and when that is done,
Let’s kiss afresh, as when we first begun.”—Robert Herrick
He came down with me to visit my parents. I am sick right now, so not very active. We haven’t done much, just caught a movie and hung around the house while I go to doctors appointments. And usually, this would suffice for me. Simply being around him. However, this weekend is full of talk of the future. I don’t know how many times someone has asked me what will happen to us once we graduate, especially with his acceptance to Michigan. And I give the standard answer, “Well, he is still waiting to hear from UCSD, so we will see…”
This weekend though, I have this feeling in my gut, that the vision I had for us is going to stay in my imagination. The vision that we would work together through Grad School and live together and maybe have a future together. Yeah, I know it is premature to be thinking all that even if he was for sure staying here. But I love him. I seriously cannot picture my life without him in it. And this weekend, the realization hit me, that he could be gone. This may be the last time he is home with me. And despite the voice in my head that I have forced to speak really loudly that I will be ok if or when he leaves. And I will. I know I will. I just am not sure I want to be.
So, in all, I am feeling empty and a little sad and I am not liking it at all.